When people in your life disappoint you, or don’t live up to your expectations... how can you make them change?

Here’s a story.
Chanoch was... impossible

On the first day of school, his head was already on his desk and it was like a sign hovered above him, screaming "Leave me alone."

Rabbi Langer, ninth-grade rebbi at Yeshiva Darchei Torah, had worked with the most challenging children. But Chanoch stood out. Not in a good way.

Rabbi Langer directed a question at the "sleeping" form called Chanoch.
No response. So he asked him to come up to his desk.

Chanoch rose lazily to his feet, then pulled a yo–yo out of his pocket.
He spun it, rolled it, let it drop, creep, sweep, showing off a repertoire of sophisticated tricks.
The class watched awkwardly, tension thick at the act of defiance.
Rabbi Langer stood to the side, silent.

Then he spoke.
"Brilliant, Chanoch! I see you’re a yo–yo expert," he said. "From now on, I want to start class each day with you showing us a new trick."

From that day on, challenging Chanoch transformed. 🔥🔥

Day by day, he opened up more to the learning in class.
He began participating.
He began succeeding. 🎯🎯

Today, Chanoch is an accomplished talmid chacham and brilliantly creative rebbi who uses his out-of-the-box thinking to teach others how to succeed.

How? How did that transformation happen?

And more importantly, how can we make that transformation happen – on a big OR a small level – for the people in our lives we want to see succeed? for our siblings? Spouse? Children?

By finding the value in others, and cherishing that value –

You see, criticizing is easy. Only – it rarely, possibly even never – works. 👎

Instead, it reinforces failure.
It makes people feel small. Drains them of their power.
It weakens then, so they have less strength to change – instead of more.

But when you uncover the real value in your child (or anyone, really)

When you – You do something magical. ✨✨
You help your child see themselves as a great person,
a special person,
capable of great, special things.

You expand them, from the inside.
You fill them with power.
Suddenly, they have so much energy to change. To be the person you see in them. 🔥🔥 When you make it your business to dig deep for value – however hard it is to find – and then you cherish and focus on that value
so much frustration and disappointment dissipates and so much joy and growth happens instead